Whilst controversy raged on my blog yesterday there was excitement of another kind outside my house. Minutes after the morning school run had finished there were three school mums desperately trying to get into my house. And I was there. At this point, dear reader, you are probably imagining three yummy mummies trying to break down my door whilst I’m inside trying to decide on which one to bestow my “morning favours”.
I like this image. When I took early retirement this image had crossed my mind.
Unfortunately the excitement was of a different sort yesterday. I had locked myself out of the house although I still had my keys with me. “What???” you ask. Well my front door effectively locks itself when you close it so I ’m always careful to ensure I have my keys with me at all times. What I hadn’t noticed was that my son had previously opened my door from the inside using a spare set of keys and then had left them in the lock.
So at 8.35am the other families who we walk to school with were walking up our road as usual and my son and I raced out to join them. I closed our front door and went to double lock it. My key wouldn’t fully go in the lock as the inside key was in the way. I could neither double lock it nor unlock it – I WAS LOCKED OUT. Anyway, school beckoned so we all completed the walk to the school (with me cursing my son under my breath all the way). Then two of the school mums came to help and give moral support. One of the school mums had explained that a few months earlier she had had a window changed and the workman had easily removed the outside beading and then the window pane. Hey presto! An easy way in? The school mum emerged from her kitchen with a variety of implements with which to attempt our break-in.
First though we tried working on the front door – trying to shift the inside keys. One mum had a daughter aged about three. Perhaps the daughter’s thin arm could reach through the letterbox to these keys. Not a good idea – it was soon apparent that we were more likely to have a young child with its arm stuck in the letterbox. Just then another school mum walked by – “trying to break-in?" she asked breezily. She quickly got hold of the long wire which the other mum had brought and try to get to the keys through the letterbox. After several attempts she got them but the wire just bent. “I’ll come back with a stronger coat hanger” she said and promptly left. In the meantime we went round the back of the house to look at the window beading. We tried to dislodge it but it wouldn’t shift.
A car drew up outside the front – the third school mum returning with a straightened coat hanger. She sat on our front door stairs and began to poke at the keys through the letterbox again. Minutes passed by, neighbour’s young daughter got bored “Can we go now!” she wailed. Two of the school mums gave up and started walking down the road but meanwhile the third mum had hooked the keys with the wire but couldn’t budge them. I quickly grabbed the wire and frantically twisted it. Suddenly the keys came loose. I put my key in the outside lock and the door was opened. “I’M IN!” I shouted to the other mums as they walked down the road. They rushed back. Congratulations all round – a job well done.
Meanwhile I had put my wife in the picture and from her office she had contacted my bank with whom I have emergency cover. They asked her if the doors and windows were all locked. She replied “Yes, [duh!] that why he’s locked out”. Their reply? “Well if the house is secure we can’t help you, we don’t class it as an emergency!”.
If you are in trouble there is only one place to call – “SCHOOL MUMS TO THE RESCUE”.